Last month my dad was scheduled to have surgery at a hospital about an hour and half from our home. I called him a few days before his scheduled surgery to see if he would like some visitors at the hospital. After a brief chat he said he would appreciate the visit. Once Jason and I prayed and talked about a few of the details I called my dad back and told him that I would be coming with my friend but Jason and the kids would be staying home.
On Monday afternoons I get together with two friends to pray. Coming to prayer time on the Monday of my dad's surgery week I was wrestling with the decision we made about going to see him. Was Jason really okay with picking up the kids from school, taking Gracie to the orthodontist, feeding them dinner, then getting Gracie to AWANA and Ethan to hockey? Should we bring the kids to see Grandpa? Did Dad really want a visitor? Or was he just being nice letting me come? Would He want to see me right after surgery? What if I get there and he is not doing well....what do I do then? Would he be to tired to talk? How in the world would I find my way around Mayo? What am I thinking....I cannot do this! To say my mind felt like a pinball machine was an understatement. I spread my doubts on the table for my prayer partners to have a look.
An interesting thing happened when I finished laying the last pinball on the table. I was immediately convicted of these verses ~
"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, you must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind." (James 1:5-6 NIV)
I asked the LORD for wisdom then I doubted His leading. And truly my mind was like a wave of the sea....I should go...no it would be better not to go....but what happens if I don't go and something happens to Dad.....but the kids, is Jason really up for this....I don't think dad will want any visitors....what about the weather, it's February, roads could be icy....I am getting nauseous from the high waves of this sea! The result of not believing Him is what I experienced....a tidal wave of confusion.
The LORD wanted me to rest in Him and believe He would work everything out for everyone involved. I didn't need to worry about Jason, the kids, my dad, my friend, the timing of it, or the weather. When He showed me my lack of believe, I confessed and waited on Him to work in these areas for His glory.
The LORD is so faithful!!! My friend and I had a great bonding time on our little road trip to Mayo. Jason and the kids did terrific! The roads were clear. I had a wonderful visit with my dad. In fact, Dad has been out of the hospital for almost a month and each time I talk to him he thanks me for coming to the hospital.
When I ask the LORD for wisdom and trust Him for it, He gives me peace of mind. I get sick enough riding in a moving vehicle, I don't need any help from my lack of belief!! Father, help me to trust You. Please heal my unbelief.
