Today I come to the keyboard with a heavy heart. If I tried to write this post last week at this time I would have been typing with tears rolling off my chin. Today I type with my hands trembling. I wonder who am I to be grieving so deeply when I only knew the girls from from a distance. Maybe I should start at the beginning.....
I met the mama years ago. Their family just moved to River Falls and our children were involved in the same library program. I liked this lady from the minute we were introduced. After a few play dates I could easily call her my friend. I enjoyed her spunk for life and her desire to love others. Time rolled on and this family moved away and we lost contact with each other. Many months later we were at a school function and I happen to run into her once again. Baffled I ask what she was doing in River Falls and she explained how they moved back. Delighted we parted ways hoping to reconnect.
Life goes on and we would see each other here and there but never had the chance to reconnect the way we did when we first met. Then I got the phone call that will forever change the lives of many in the River Falls community. Please believe me when I say it is the most horrific news you could hear. I will not go into the details of the circumstance. There are too many people still grieving to retell the story in print one more time. I am committed to share my personal experience in this blog post.
With the memorial service still fresh in my mind I can't get passed the question of "What now, LORD?". What now for this beautiful young mom whose arms are empty and longing just to hold her baby girls one more time? What now for the grandparents that will never again hear those sweet voices on the phone?What now for an elementary school that will miss the smiles of two lively little ladies in the classrooms, hallways, lunchroom and playground? What now for a middle school who will never get to know the delight of one so fresh and young? What now for a community that has been robbed of its sense of security? What now, LORD? What now?
I don't think I have ever cried so much because of the pain of another....the pain of the mama. LORD, how do I smile and enjoy life knowing someone I once called a dear friend is hurting so bad? How is it that I want to be there for her to offer words of prayer and comfort yet not wanting the reminder of the deepest hurt one could live with? How do I look forward to sending my kids to school this fall when I know there is so much grieve in the building you can smell it just walking by? How do I answer the question of "Why Mama, why did this happen?" when I don't know myself? What now, LORD?
I certainly don't ask these questions out of doubt or disbelief in the LORD Almighty's love or ability. I have walked with the LORD many years and not once has He ever let me walk alone. I know enough in times like these I would be the worst kind of fool to turn my back on the One that is faithful, even faithful to the point of death. No, I ask these questions because of my relationship with the Almighty. I am clinging to Him as a child clings to legs of a parent. Nothing makes sense right now. But in the midst of the chaos the Father God is the Rock on which we will not be shaken.
"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23
So, I leave the questions with the Master, not knowing any answers, maybe never knowing. But I know one thing for sure....the LORD is worthy to be trusted.
May I rest in You, faithful Father. You are my Life.
